You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
