and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
