he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
