He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
