After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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