Me too!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
