I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize