and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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