you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
