office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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