i just sent this text using only my big toe
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize