I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
