Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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