And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
