hell yes lets make some ravioli
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
