God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
