I just pynch a tree in the face
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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