Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
