I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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