If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
