and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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