The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
