the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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