I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
