Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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