i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
