Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
