I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize