Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
