do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
