Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
