Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
