He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
