Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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