I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
