I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
