If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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