thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
