I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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