we have officially lost it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize