How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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