her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
