are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
