See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
