she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize