It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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