So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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