I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
