I'm so fucking centered right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
