The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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