i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The power of my boobs compel you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
