If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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