i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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