Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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