Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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