Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
