After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
