I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
