Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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