I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
