I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
