the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
