Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
