i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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