nut hugger
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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