how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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