i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
