i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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