Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
