It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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