So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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