9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
