the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
These tits shall not be calmed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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