im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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