your parents love me but you hate me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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