remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
