xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
