The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
