Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
