She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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