i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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