he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
