I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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