believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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