The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
