i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
