I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize