i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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