U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
