so that wasnt chicken after all
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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