sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize